THE DARLING LIFE

note: i thought i published this long ago… i think i wrote it a couple weeks back in the thick of all the worry. i found it saved in my drafts. whatev. here is is, in it’s raw form.

how nice it must be… to be caged within yourself. to protect your own, and nothing more. to be completely complacent with a shallow heart. at moments, i desire a feeling like that – yet, to succumb to it entirely would – in my eyes, mean nothing short of failure. i want to feel completely again, and i don’t want to be scared to lose. i have decided to embrace, rather than despise, each little imperfection of my heart. … my inability to close it off, my inability to protect it entirely despite much effort, along with my inability to determine, or even slightly manipulate, the depth at which it decides to feel.

———-

“I am not afraid of storms, for it is then that I learn how to sail my ship.”

- Louisa May Alcott

2:08 a.m.

painting has ceased… got a bit done, but not really feeling it tonight, which is fine. it’s definitely not something you can force, and if you try, it usual doesn’t end pretty.

i think my creativity comes in waves, and tonight, my mind just doesn’t seem to want to offer up the necessary mood required. i suppose if i could sit still, that would help…but i’ll contribute that to the coffee.

sorry for the hiatus. got wordpress on my iphone now, so i can update on the fly…and at virtually any time, sans laptop.

sahweetss.

the more you have to lose.

click the pop out player button… turn up the volume, and enjoy some of my current favs.

i have a free night… nothing planned, nobody is expecting me anywhere, no obligations to fulfill. it’s nice to have a day like this every once in a while. but, it does leave me with a bit of options as to how to fill this evening with just little ol’ me.

so far, i am planning for myself the following:

starbucks… there is most definitely a caramel macchiato with my name on it right now. seriously… that may be the case. whenever i show up, they seem to have been expecting me… maybe i’ll bring a book i’ve been meaning to dig into, and give that about 30 minutes of my time.

walgreens… need some hair dye (yes, again…), and some other miscellaneous products. a new pretty shimmery eyeshadow is in order, as well. oh, and definitely some new mascara…essential. fill prescription.

get super awesome sister her birthday present…and since she may very well read this, i shall withold the location of where i will be trotting to next to attain it.

tjmaxx… random hunting for a new bathing suit for the summer. yes, i’ve gone this far into the summer and just only realized last weekend that all of my bathing suits are in storage… i need a new one, and pronto.

return home to apply said to-be-purchased hair dye to my hair, and pray.

paint… i always feel the most motivated and inspired to do so when it’s incredibly late… it is a very well known fact that i will stay up until the sun is breaking through the clouds, just to finish a painting. only 2 key elements are required in order to accomplish this… lots of coffee, and good painting music, and by good painting music, i mean jazz. there is just nothing better.

so let’s see what i can get done…

and while i’m away, for those of you who do actually read this, i leave you with this she & him video that i discovered today via the yewknee blog: why do you let me stay here? — [yes, that is the girl from "elf"]

here he is…….!! little smiley.

my brand new little nephew, ryan christopher elliott <3

1 day old.

ahhh, what can i say? i am completely and utterly amazed by him… by how beautiful a new little life can be, and knowing that he has just entered a family that loves him more than could ever be shown.

the longer i sit here trying to put together the right words in the right sequence to explain what it felt like holding him in my arms, the quicker i realize that there really just aren’t enough words for it at all…

all i know is.

i am in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3!

<3

Bella: “Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You’re not taking him to a strip club, are you?”

*teehehe*

——————————————-

i got a new nephew todayyyyyyyyyyyyy!! i am so incredibly anxious to see him that i can’t even sleep! i am forced to wait (for what seems like an eternity) for the visiting hours to start again at the hospital so that i can go see him for the first time. — but, i hear he is 8lbs, 14 ounces, 21 inches long, and has a head full of super cute hair… ahhhh, can’t wait!

i loveeee babes.

pictures of my new little guy will be forthcoming…

today is a good day.

there is a baby bunny that has taken up residency in my backyard. he is pretty much the cutest thing ever, and lives under our shed. as small as he is, he still has proven himself to be rather brave. he comes out quite frequently, and seems only slightly bothered if we get a bit too close to him. we try to feed him random things, and have gone as far as buying stuff from the local pet shop just to make him happy. i guess if he was going to live under a shed, and in someone’s back yard, he picked the right one.

and maybe, one day, i can teach him to do this for me (to repay me for all the super nummy bunny treats, of course)

teehehe.

i have always been rather fond of the work of salvador dali, which is odd…only because i’ve never been very keen on the work of surrealists – but, one of my absolute favorite pieces of all time is his “metamorphosis of narcissus”. i own a huge print which hangs in my office, and i can easily get lost in it.

here it is:

and of course, i couldn’t go without his most famous piece, “the persistence of memory”:

aside from enjoying his work, i have always been rather intrigued by the eccentric lifestyle he led in his early years… most of the stories i have read or heard just seemed rather unbelievable to me. but, i guess if there is a book written about your sex life, and said book happens to be 210 pages…there must be some truth in it.

now, on to the reason behind this confession:

as previously revealed, i have become quite a lover of the twilight saga and was doing a bit of looking into the casting choices for the movie which will be coming out in december. my favorite character in twilight, edward, is being played by Robert Pattinson, and when i went to check out what else he’s played in, i happened to notice that he will also be playing Dali in a new movie (currently in post-production) called “Little Ashes”… I haven’t heard much about this movie, since it was filmed in the UK, but i *think* it is circled around Dali’s alleged homosexual love affair with his friend (and playwright) Garcia Lorca. — in any event, i will be tacking this onto my list of must-sees in the upcoming year… let’s just hope it actually gets released in the states (for my sake).

so, Robert Pattinson… playing my favorite fictional guy of all time, and my favorite artist of all time?

double swoon.

check the twilight trailer here.

i went to see a pawtucket red sox game tonight – and, get this. i caught a ball:) – woot!

i must admit, i’m severely surprised that a) a ball actually came my way, and b) that i could manage to catch it before it knocked me unconscience.

but here is the footage.

sike, that is def not the footage.

but i did catch one for realsies. and jason did too! sahweetttt.